


Anger issues

by captain_crisp



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, It does get better, M/M, Panic Attack, Therapy, Viktor fucks up, anger issues, discussion of mental health issue, everybody's ooc, fight, it's my first fic cut me some slack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2018-11-04 22:48:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11000622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captain_crisp/pseuds/captain_crisp
Summary: Viktor has anger issues, when he gets angry he wants to *hurt* people. It's a problem, especially when Yuuri can be /so/ infuriating.





	1. Chapter 1

Viktor doesn't really get angry. Yes, he gets annoyed, but angry? Truly angry, almost never. It was so rare that in his 27 years he'd only been truly angry three times. The first time was when he came out and his father blamed the skating, the second was when Yakov forced him to cut his hair, and the third, the third was recent. The third was about and with Katsuki Yuuri, and if there was one thing he knew, it was that he would always regret the third.

It had happened on an even colder day than normal in Russia, and whilst Viktor wasn't really bothered by it, Yuuri hated it. Japan isn't the warmest country, for sure. But it sure is warmer than a cold day in Russia, not that that's really difficult.

Yuuri had been moody and whiny the whole day, he had tried to get Viktor's attention whilst Viktor was skating and was constantly doubting himself and their relationship, and Viktor was starting to get riled up.

He tried not be affected, of course he knew about Yuuri's mental issues and lack of confidence, and he knew all too wel how they made his fiancé act. That didn't mean he liked it that every time he tried to reassure Yuuri, he got cut off by more self hate. Viktor could feel the anger build up throughout the day, but he was planning on just ignoring the problem until it left him alone. Or to drink until he forgot. The last one always seemed to work, for a few hours at least.

But then he snapped. He had tried to stay calm when Yuuri broke down about not finishing his food on time. He had listened to his fiancé saying that Viktor should just end their relationship. He watched as the love of his life sobbed. He tried to reassure Yuuri that he was worthy of Viktor's attention, that he was loved, that Viktor didn't mind the food not being ready yet.

"Yuuri, look at me, and do it quick." Yuuri's head snapped up, shocked at the cold tone in Viktor's tone. He looked devastated and terrified, but Viktor really didn't care anymore, white hot rage consuming his every thought. He just wanted to *hurt* this boy.

"You're so fucking stupid, you know that right? Like seriously, Viktor Nikiforov loved you, and you decide to not take that chance? Yuuri, you've gotten more luck and gotten so much further in life then so many others, and you still bitch and moan? Oh no, Yuuri Katsuki didn't actually win the Grand Prix? He became second? Boohoo, what a loser! You don't even care that Yurio won, you're so selfish!" Viktor was getting more riled up by the minute, and he was so stuck in his rant that he didn't notice Yuuri's panic taking over.

"Do you know that sometimes I wish we never met? You demand so much from me, and do you give anything back? Ever? No, of course not! I wish you never walked into that banquet, I wish you never got drunk, I whish the girls never uploaded that video, I whish Chris never directed it at me, I wish I never came to Japan, I wish to no longer be your coach, I wish- I wish I never loved you! You're pathetic," Viktor spat, "you're a sad excuse of a fucking human being. I'm leaving, do not- and I repeat, do not come after me!" Viktor turned around sharply and was stalking towards the door when he came to his senses.

He stopped dead in his tracks, thinking about what he said, and how Yuuri would have taken it, he would have taken it to heart, he probably had. And Viktor hated himself. Viktor stood silent, before turning towards Yuuri sharply. Yuuri wasn't really there anymore.

Yuuri was- /oh fuck/- Yuuri looked broken. His mouth half open but completely still, his eyes- his eyes were dead. His breath was hitching, his arms wrapped around his legs whilst sitting in a fetal position. Tears dropped onto the ground.

When Viktor tried to come closer, Yuuri- Yuuri flinched, like he was scared of him. He had every right to be afraid, but Viktor could feel his panic raising and his heart sinking. He needed to call someone, Yurio, he needed to call Yurio.


	2. Wow? It's an actual chapter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo finally a chapter two, there IS probably going to be a third, but we'll see!
> 
> If you want to know a little bit more about why it took me so much time to post this, I'll put that in the end notes.
> 
> If you're not interested in that, I hope you enjoy :)

Yuuri was drowning. The only thing he could hear was static. His vision was blurred and he felt like he was being pulled under. The only thing he remembered were Viktor's words. Viktor never lied to him, never had, and that made the words so much worse. Viktor wasn't safe anymore. Their home wasn't safe anymore. Russia wasn't safe anymore, he didn't even feel like Makkachin was safe anymore. Nothing he had was safe. Not anymore. All the things he could usually use as an escape if his head wasn't safe, weren't safe either. Yuuri didn't know what to do. He had to get away, but he couldn't move. He had to stay calm, but he couldn't even breathe. Suddenly a loud slam echoed throughout the silent house and Yuuri flinched, maybe Viktor had returned. He heard a soft curse and- it was Yurio. Yurio was safe. Yurio wouldn't try an hurt Yuuri. Yurio rushed over towards Yuuri, worry, shock and anger etched into his features. Soft hands gripped his own, and Yurio's scent wafted trough the air. He smelt like his flowery shampoo, new paper and freshly washed laundry. He smelt like coming home. Yuuri immediately slumped forward into his arms, tiredness from this whole ordeal was suddenly taking over. Yurio assisted his breathing, in the same way that Yuuri would do to him. Yurio handled him so gently, and Yuuri slowly came down from the panic attack. He needed sleep. Not long after he slumped forward his eyes closed, and the last thing he remembered was Yurio softly picking him up and putting him in the guest bedroom's bed.

\---

Yurio was furious, he was fucking livid. Viktor- that complete and utter idiot had thrown a fit and sent hIS OWN FIANCÉ into having the worst panic attack he's had in 10 years. Yuuri was such a precious person, he was so loved and mattered so much to so many, but he didn't believe it. And now Viktor fucking Nikiforov decided that it was time to play with those awful, awful insecurities. He needed to find Viktor, and when he did, he would crush him. Yurio didn't think that Viktor went far from the kitchen. He has known Viktor for his whole life (way too long If you'd ask him) and if there one thing he learned it's that Viktor doesn't just leave if someone is hurt. So he started looking. He began by looking into the dining room, and searching the living room. He wasn't there, so Yurio checked the garden, checked the bathrooms, and eventually found him tucked away into a corner in the storage room, his face stuffed into Makkachin's soft, curly fur whilst tremors shook his figure. And fuck, Yurio couldn't really be mad at that could he. Viktor was wrecked, not as bad as Yuuri, and Yurio was going to give him shit about this whole ordeal, but maybe not now. Not when Viktor himself was looking like he'd rather wither away than to spend one second more with himself. And nobody deserved to feel that way, not even people who hurt Yuuri Katsuki. So Yuri walked over to Viktor, and forced the older male to look into his eyes. Viktor immediately fell forward, into his arms. It seemed to be a theme with these two.

\---

Viktor hated himself. He hated himself more than he ever thought he could hate. But he knew he deserved the hate. He didn't deserve to sit in Yurio's arms, weeping, with Makkachin by his side. Yuuri deserved that. Yuuri deserved the world, and Viktor would give it to him if he asked. But Yuuri never asked much. All that he asked was to love and to be loved. For help when his head got to him. And what had Viktor done? He had taken, taken, and taken, but he never returned. He was awful. Apparently he was talking out loud, because the angry teenager next to him scoffed before softly pushing him.

"Hey, don't be so extra Viktor, you've helped Yuuri plenty, you just fucked up now"

"Yeah," he whines, "but I've also fucked up immensely! Jesus, Yuuri is going to hate me!"

"Nah," Yurio frowns, "he's probably going to hate himself, yes. But I honestly don't think Katsudon is able to hate you."

Viktor whines, a grim look taking over his usually happy features. "But I don't want him to hate himself! I'd rather have him hate me and be confident!"

Yurio nodded, "but that's not how life works now does it. And if you're worried about nobody getting angry, you don't have to worry, that's what I'm here to do!"

Viktor froze, his eyes big. "You- you're mad at me? Why're you here then?"

"I'm fucking furious Viktor, but I know you, and if nobody talks you out of this mood, you'll be ruined. I can still get mad after you fix this."

Viktor was speechless for a little while, before whispering: "how am I going to fix this?"

"I have no idea, Viktor," Yurio pulled Viktor into a hug, "but searching for professional help might be a start."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ey!
> 
> So I'll explain a little about what's been going on with me and why these chapters will prob take a lot of time. This story deals with mental health issues, and so do I. A big part of this story is to use it as an outlet basically. I'll write how I'm feeling as the feeling of a character and yeah.
> 
> This aspect of the story and the writing really helps me but it can also be really difficult. I've recently hit a really low point, and I've relapsed after a year of being clean. Bc of this I'm in a really dark place and sometimes I just can't get myself to write a story like this!
> 
> That's all, if you read this all, you're a hero and I love you!!
> 
> Take care!!!!


	3. Rewrite !! Whew ! Also a chapter btw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor goes to therapy. Phone calls are had

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello !! I've finally returned ! I didn't like the way that the last few chapters felt rushed or messy !! So I rewrote chapter three, and deleted those monstrosities. So !! Lets go and enjoy my dudes !

"Hello Viktor, can you explain to me what you expect to get out of these sessions?" The therapist's voice was soothing, calming Viktor down and making her sound like she could be trusted.

"I- All my life I- I've suffered from anger issues? It doesn't happen often? But when it does I just completely freak out? And I have no clue how to deal with it?" Viktor felt weird, he felt like he should spend every minute of his day apologizing to Yuuri, but he knew that the most important thing right now was getting better. Theoretically.

"Okay, and you've indeed been suffering from this anger all your life?" 

"Yeah, sometimes I just randomly get angry, which is a problem, with the media attention and all that, but I sometimes deal with anger attacks? I don't know if there's an official name for it? But it's just searing hot anger, coursing trough my veins?" Viktor wasn't quite sure how he should explain it. He never actually remembered how he exactly felt during a fit.

"Okay, did something happen? Or is there a specific moment that drove you to go to therapy?" The therapist stopped writing, and looked at him with a soft look in her eyes. She wasn't judging him, she wouldn't judge him, Viktor reminded himself.

"Uh- yeah. I had a fight with my- fiancé, I let my anger get the best of me. I never touched him, but I hurt him very badly because of my issues, and this is the first step to proving to him that I can get better, and that he can be safe around me." Viktor swallowed. Was he even allowed to still call Yuuri his fiancé after what he did?

"Okay, so first of all, it's very good that you dare to admit that you've done something wrong, it's one of the most important parts of therapy, accepting that you have a problem."

After the therapy session, Viktor headed home with a heavy bag and a lighter heart. The therapist explained different types of disorders to him, and he felt like he could trust her. She constantly reminded him that, because it was their first session, he shouldn't feel bad if it didn't work out. She explained the way that she worked and Viktor felt a click with her. She was a good listener. 

Viktor turned his phone on when he reached his apartment, his phone immediately flooding with messages. Viktor panicked as soon as he saw from who they were. He had 40 texts from Yurio, 15 from Yakov, and 5 from Yuuri. He quickly called Yakov and explained the situation to him. Yakov agreed to give him and Yuuri a week without training, to figure everything out. 

Secondly he called Yurio, who angrily picked up the phone, ranted at him until he was interrupted by a soft voice. "Please, Yuri, let me talk to Viktor?" 

"NO! The bastard hurt you!" Yuri said, heatedly, but he wasn't screaming at Yuuri. 

"Okay Yuri, then I'll just go see him myself? I'll haul a cab or something similar? Maybe an uber? Do you have ubers in Russia?" Yuuri said teasingly. Viktor could hear the smirk in his voice. His heart clenched, oh god how he loved this boy. 

"nO! That's ! Worse! You're not- No- ugh! Just take the phone!" Yurio angrily shoved the phone in Yuuri's hands, before stomping off.

"H-hey Yuuri," Viktor breathed. His voice was shaking, he was so terrified. 

"Hello Viktor, can we talk?" Yuuri didn't sound like he was falling apart. He sounded better than he had in a while actually.

"Yes! I- I mean, yes of course. I'd love to!" Viktor stutterd, falling over his words.

"I really miss you Viktor, but I don't know if I can- trust you? You've broken me, and I know you didn't mean it! But, you did. I don't know if I'll ever be able to feel safe around you?" Yuuri's words ripper Viktor's heart out from his chest. It was more than he could've ever hoped for, but at the same time the words made him physically ill. 

"Yuri told me you were going to therapy now?" Yuuri asked casually, as if he hasn't just ripped Viktor's heart out from his chest.

"Oh, yeah. I just got back from my first session. I've been trying to find one that's good for me ever since- yeah."

"That's nice."

"Yeah, it is."

"Yeah."

An awkward silence filled the room. 

"Look, Viktor? I really need to go now? Let's just? Meet up sometime, somewhere? And talk everything out? See where life takes us?" Yuuri's voice cut trough the silence, and also trough Viktor.

"Okay Yuuri, anything you want." Viktor heard three beeps on the other line. Yuuri had hung up. 

Viktor slid down against the door, tears streaking down his face. What had he done to his love?

**Author's Note:**

> Aaah!  
> First fic that I don't completely hate holy moly! Like I hated it when I wrote it but then read it again, edited it and now it's not awful?? Damn! Also I know they're out of character, and this might get a second chapter? Idk yet, but Yeah hoped you enjoyed this bullshit :) 
> 
> Find me on the tumblr:  
> W-w-w-woop


End file.
